Redemption of Regrets - Part II
Mark E. Haskins
January 29, 2025
If I go down my regret road, at its core, it pertains to relationships. For example, not having taken the time to get to know a co-worker. Being clueless about the anguish my wife experienced through several miscarriages. Spending too many summer weeks on the road consulting when my young kids were home. Such regrets link back to seductive and consuming pursuits associated with career, home-improvement projects, and other self-interests. Indeed, unintentionally and self-indulgently, I can be a world-class idol builder—putting wrong things first. You, too? Take a moment. Be honest. There’s more. Oh, the all-too-frequent rendering of a negative verdict on someone’s actions or words simply based on their dress, priorities, choices, hygiene, associates, or demeanor. Indeed, unconsciously and self-righteously, I can be a world-class judge and jury. You, too? Take a moment. Be honest. One more for the record. I spent years forgoing opportunities for interpersonal connection and caring. Even if a twinge of conviction surfaced that my ways should change, I justified that I’d be that “better” person tomorrow—a day that seldom came. Indeed, unproductively and stubbornly, I can be a world-class rationalizer and procrastinator, subscribing to a mantra I once saw on a T-shirt in a Puerto Rico shop, “Just do it, later.” You, too? Take a moment. Be honest. Regrets often abound, too numerous to count and catalog, and it behooves us to be aware of their poisonous effect. However, like a heavy backpack, we can lay those regrets down and leave them with Him so He can give us rest (Matthew 11: 28).
I don’t know what activities my remaining years harbor. I do know the regret-prompted lessons I learned were important. I needed to learn:
- humility before finding myself all alone during those years,
- to see others as He sees them in order to cherish His kingdom tapestry,
- the sweetness of a relational approach to life in contrast to an efficient, get-it-done, transactional approach,
- to alter my sense of accomplishment from check marks on a To Do list to appreciating the conversations I had, the people I encountered, and the stories I heard, and
- that praying continuously(1 Thessalonians 5: 17)is talking with God throughout the day.
Do I have an advanced degree in these lessons? Nope. But I am enrolled in the school and grateful for making progress evidenced by the fact that I know Him better and believe Him when He lets me know, “Mark, I am especially fond of you.”3 What redemption-of-regrets lessons can you thank Him for? You do know that He’s especially fond of you, too?!
Where does this lead? Starting today, I want my remaining years to be a “my heart” issue before a what-will-I-do-with “my days” issue. What has He been pricking your heart about? What have you wrestled with that He has an answer to? Is it regret related to anger, indiscretion, dishonesty, pride? Whatever it is, we need to be aware of the open redemption-of-regrets gate He offers. We need to walk through that gate. In doing so we will “find a love bigger than [our] failures”4 and we will become more receptive to what He shows us about ourselves, others, and Himself. And when we share that reality with younger men and women on their faith journey, we may help them find more immediate, deeper, more impactful redemption of regrets in their lives.
If we focus on our “my heart” issue first, the “my days” issue will unfold in unimagined ways. The Bible has stories of men (and women) initially living life not yet fully in the midst of their ultimate story. They were accumulating life lessons that prepared them to be the person God would use for specific purposes. Saul became the Apostle Paul (Acts 13: 9), Simon became Peter (Matthew 16: 17-18), Jacob became Israel (Genesis 32: 28), Abram became Abraham (Genesis 17: 5), and Sarai became Sarah(Genesis 17:15) All of these new beginnings were in spite of reasons for regret. We, too, can become more fully the person that reflects His workmanship (Ephesians 2: 10).
On a card in a New York City shop, I once saw an apropos quote (no author noted): “Beautiful people are works of art.” Indeed, we each bear the imprints of a life that can be devoted to the purposes for which all the colors, brush strokes, and contexts we have known have prepared us. His kingdom needs men and women with elder status, sage credentials, living life now with eyes and hearts wide open. On the edge of, or in the midst of, our encore season, “for each of us, there is a place on the frontlines,”5 and in that place, “perhaps there are no heroes, just men [and women] who are not afraid to love.”6 He wants “tender warriors”7 because “it’s not all about muscle, stamina, or brains. . . it’s about heart.”8 On yet another greeting card I recall reading, “Yesterday is history. . . tomorrow is mystery,” and I would add, opportunity. That is so true with Him, and the possibilities are sweet. Let’s “dress for adventure”9 by giving Him our regrets so that we can then live expectantly and boldly. In the wake of this past Christmas season, let’s not only treasure the gift of Himself, let’s also value His invitation to saddle up and ride along. Opportunities await.
1 Henri Nouwen (2017), You Are the Beloved (IMAGE, NY, NY), p. 14.
2 Pete Blaber (2008), The Mission, The Men, and Me (Berkely Publishing Group, NY, NY), p. 38.
3 W. P. Young (2007), The Shack (Windblown Media, Los Angeles, CA), p. 220.
4 Wayne Jacobsen (2021), Live Loved, Free, Full (Blue Sheep Media, Torrington, WY), p. 21.
5 Eric Grietens (2011), The Heart and the Fist (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, NY, NY), preface.
6 Sean Parnell and John Bruning (2012), Outlaw Platoon (Harper Collins, NY, NY), p. 243.
7 Stu Weber (1999), Tender Warrior (Multnomah Books, Colorado Springs, CO), p. 75.
8 Marcus Lutrell (2012), Service (Little Brown & Co., NY, NY), p. 57.
9 Nelson DeMille (2002), Up Country (Warner Books, NY, NY), p. 276.
